Amends
by jeb124
Summary: Basically, just a slight rewrite of Amends. BA
1. Chapter 1

Title: Amends

Author: Writer Girl

Summary/Teaser: Amends with a few changes and a better ending

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Joss Whedon et al own everything. Dialog from Amends. I am not the first person to do this type of fic.

Pairings: BA, CX, WO

Author e-mail: Everything up to and including Amends, season 2 of Buffy.

Feedback: PLEASE?

Rating: PG13 to be safe. Same as the show, really.

"And then he just bailed." Buffy told her friends as they walked to their lockers. "It was so weird."

"Angel? Weird?" Xander asked. "What're the odds?" Willow elbowed him.

"Do you think something's wrong?" She asked. "Should you maybe tell Giles?" Buffy shook her head.

"I don't want to bug Giles." She explained. "He's still a little twitchy about the subject of Angel."

"Must be the whole Angel-killed-his-girlfriend-and-tortured-him thing." Xander said dryly. "Giles is really petty about stuff like that." His comment elicited another elbowing from Willow.

"Xander, enough." Buffy reprimanded.

"Maybe Angel just has the holiday blues." Willow commented, closing her locker. "Everybody gets them. Especially when they're alone."

"It's just so frustrating." Buffy explained. "I'm trying to do the right thing, and stay away from him and just get over it. And then boom, there he is. I just want a nice, quiet, Christmas vacation." They made their way to the student lounge.

"So, you doing anything special?" Xander asked.

"Tree. Nog. Roast beast." Buffy answered simply. "Just me and Mom and hopefully an excess of gifts." She turned to Willow. "What are you doing for Christmas?"

Being Jewish, people!" She exclaimed. "Remember, people, not everybody worships Santa!"

"I just meant for vacation." Buffy backtracked.

"Oh." Willow said, calming. "Nothing fun. Oz and I had plans, but…I guess that's off." Willow and Xander sat down on the sofa. Cordelia was sitting with a friend on the couch opposite them.

"Well, I'll be enjoying my annual Christmas Eve campout." Xander announced, straining to appear happy.

"Sounds fun." Willow told him.

"Yeah, I like to look at the stars, you know? Feel the whole nature vibe."

"I thought you slept outside to avoid your family's drunken Christmas fights." Cordelia countered smugly.

"Yes, and that's a confidence I was hoping you'd share with everyone." Xander snipped. With that, she walked away, head held high.

"She certainly has reverted to form." Buffy observed, joining her friends.

"It's not her fault." Willow defended. "After what happened, we gotta cut her some slack." Xander grinned.

"That's the Christmas spirit."

"Hello, still Jewish here." Willow chastised. "Hanukkah spirit, I believe that was? Anyway, forgivness is a big theme with me this year, 'cause of the…" She trailed off as Oz came over.

"Okay, the thing is…seeing you with Xander, it was…Well I never felt that way before…when it wasn't a full moon…but I know you guys have a history." Oz explained. He and Willow were in an empty classroom.

"But it's a history that's in the past." Willow countered. "Or, I guess, all history is in the past. But it's over."

"Well, I don't know. I don't know that it… ever will be, between you two." Willow's face fell. "This is what I do know." Oz told her. "I miss you. Like, every second. Almost like I lost an arm, or worse, a torso. So , I guess I'd be willing to…give it a shot." Willow smiled tentatively.

"Really?" She asked, feeling the beginnings of hope stir within her. Oz smiled.

"Yeah." Willow's smile grew.

"Do you want us to…hug now?" She asked quietly.

"Yeah. I'm good with that." The couple embraced, holding each other tightly.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Amends

Author: Writer Girl

Summary/Teaser: Amends with a few changes and a better ending

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Joss Whedon et al own everything. Dialog from Amends. I am not the first person to do this type of fic.

Pairings: BA, CX, WO

Author e-mail: Everything up to and including Amends, season 2 of Buffy.

Feedback: PLEASE?

Rating: PG13 to be safe. Same as the show, really.



Buffy and her mother made their way through the busy Christmas tree farm. Joyce spotted a group of trees sprayed with fake snow.

"Do you wanna get one with snow on it?" She asked her daughter. "It'd be very Christmas-y."

"I think those are just for display." Buffy told her.

"Oh. You know, honey, I was thinking maybe we should invite Faith to spend Christmas Eve with us." Buffy frowned.

"I don't know." She said. "Faith and I don't really hang out. Or talk. Or make eye contact, lately."

"You really want to let her spend Christmas Eve in that dingy motel room?" Joyce asked.

"You're still number one with the guilt trip, mom." Buffy said.

"I try."

"I'll ask her." Buffy said, giving in.

"You're a doll." They split up. Buffy noticed a circle of dead trees. A tree merchant approached her.

"Bunch of 'em just up and died on us. Don't know why. If you want one, I could make you a hell of a deal." Buffy shook her head.

"No, thanks." She denied. She heard her mother calling.

Buffy invited Faith to Christmas Eve dinner, but Faith claimed to have plans.

"Well, the offer still stands." Buffy assured her, and left.



Rupert Giles was in his kitchen, cooking Christmas Eve dinner, when he heard a knock on his door.

"One moment!" He called, putting down his spatula. The Watcher froze when he saw the man in the doorway.

"Angel." Giles said by way of greeting. He was surprised by the coldness of his own voice. The vampire stared at the floor.

"Sorry to bother you." Angel said softly. Giles couldn't help a bitter chuckle at the irony of that statement. "Sorry, coming from you, that phrase strikes me as rather funny. Sorry to bother me."

"I need your help." Angel explained.

"And the funny just keeps coming."

"I know that I have no right to ask for it." Angel admitted, carefully avoiding Giles' eyes. "But there's no one else." There was an awkward silence. Finally, Giles spoke. "Alright." The Watcher stepped away from the door.

"I can't come in unless you invite me." Angel reminded him softly. Giles came back to the door with a loaded crossbow.

"I'm aware of that." He said, aiming the weapon at Angel. "Come in." The vampire did as he was told, stepping inside the apartment. Giles kept the crossbow trained on him as they spoke.

"I've been seeing…I've been having dreams, lately. My past. It's like I'm reliving it. It's so vivid…" Angel stammered. Struggling to explain. "I need to…I need to know why I'm here."

"Back on earth?" Giles guessed. The vampire nodded.

"I should be in a Demon Dimension suffering an eternity of torture." Angel said shakily.

"I don't feel particularly inclined to argue with that." Giles agreed bitterly.

"But I'm not." Angel continued. "I was freed. And I don't understand why."

"Knowing why you are back would give you peace of mind?" Giles questioned.

"It might."

"Do you think that's something you ought to have?" The Watcher wondered aloud, bending to put down the crossbow. Angel's eyes widened as he saw what appeared to be Jenny Calendar standing behind Giles.

"Because, uh, to be blunt," Giles continued, "The last time you became complacent about your existence turned out rather badly." Then, he noticed the vampires distraction and fear.

"What is it?" Giles asked, surprised to find himself genuinely concerned.

"You, you don't see her?"

"See who?" Giles questioned.

"I, I can't!" Angel shouted, and ran from the apartment, leaving Giles alone. The Watcher was ashamed at how he'd treated Angel, who was in at least as much pain as he himself was, probably more. And so he decided that he would research for Angel, and hopefully figure out what was haunting the man he'd once considered a friend.



Giles was already in the library when Buffy got there.

"You're saying you had a dream about Angel?" He asked. She shook her head.

"No, I was in Angel's dream." She insisted.

"I'm not sure that that's even-."

"Giles, there were things in the dream I couldn't possibly know about. It was his past. He was dreaming it. And somehow I got sucked in." She sighed. "There's something wrong with him, Giles."

"I know." Giles admitted. "I saw him. He wanted to know why he was back."

"Is there some way for us to find that out?" Buffy asked.

"I don't know." The Watcher replied. "I've been looking."  
"Well, let me look, too." She said quickly. "I'm not seeing him anymore." She promised at the look on Giles' face. "I'm trying to do the right thing, put him behind me. And that's never gonna happen if we keep doing guest spots in each other's dreams." Giles nodded his acceptance.

"So we'll help him?" She asked.

"Yes." He agreed. "We'll help him." Xander, who had been standing unnoticed in the doorway, spoke up.

"Where do we start?" He asked. Both Buffy and Giles gave him a look.

Look, I know I haven't been the mostest best friend when it comes to the whole 'Angel' thing, and I don't know, maybe I'm getting the Hanukkah spirit."

In that moment Giles gained a new respect for the boy he'd come to love as his own son. In the two years since Xander had started helping the Slayer fight evil, he really had grown up so much. They all had, himself included. The three teens had, on so many occasions been forced to take on challenges no one should have to face, and they had done it with an amazing level of maturity.

"We start, unsurprisingly, with research." Giles told them. "Xander, the Black Chronicals. Buffy, take the diary of Lucius Temple. You can skip the parts about his garden, unless you're keen on growing heartier beets."

"So, you're sure this is how you want to spend your Christmas vacation?" Buffy asked her friend. He shrugged.

"This is actually the most exciting thing I've got planned." He admitted. "Who else can claim that pathetic a social life?"

"Hey, guys." Willow greeted them. "What are we doing?"



"He's going to come over Christmas Eve and we're gonna watch videos." Willow told Buffy, referring to her plans with Oz. They were sitting at a table in the library. They had been researching for hours, but so far, had nothing.

"That's good, right?" Buffy asked. "You guys are back."

"It's good." Willow confirmed. "In an awkward, uncomfortable kind of way." Buffy smiled sympathetically. "I just don't know how to make Oz trust me." She continued.

"Xander has a piece of you that Oz just can't touch." Buffy told her. "I guess now it's just about proving to Oz that he comes first."

"Thanks." Willow went back to her reading. A few minutes later, she commented, "Hey, this guy likes beets."

"I read that one already." Buffy told her. She sighed in frustration. "We're not getting anywhere."



Buffy woke from her dream in shock. She hurried down the steps to Giles.

"Here, Buffy, take a look." He said, handing her a book.

"These pages have references to something known as, the, uh, First." He explained, pointing.

"First what?" Buffy asked.

"Evil. Absolute evil. Older than man, than demons. It could have had the power to bring Angel back." Buffy looked at the book.

"These guys," Buffy said, pointing to a picture of an eyeless priest. "They were in my dream. I fell asleep up there."

"You had another dream, with Angel?" Giles questioned. Buffy nodded. "What happened?"

"We don't need to get sidetracked." Buffy said evasively, not wanting to tell her Watcher, who wasn't fond of Angel, that Angel had killed her in her dream. Luckily, he seemed to accept her answer. "Who are these guys?" She asked.

"Um, they're known as the Bringers, or Harbingers. They're high priests of the First." Giles explained. "They can conjure spirit manifestations and set them on people, haunt them."

"These are the guys working the mojo on Angel?"

"We gotta stop them." Xander commented.

"You can't fight the First, Buffy. It's not a physical being." Giles told here.

"Well, I can fight these priest guys." Buffy said, desperate.

"If we can find them." Xander added.



They left Willy's with very little information.

"Man, is it hot." Xander complained as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. "It was nice and cool in there."

"Yeah. A nice, cool, waste of time."

"Hey, we know underground." Xander argued. "That's a start."

"Yeah, in a town with fourteen million miles of sewer." Buffy agreed sarcastically.

"Plus a lot of natural cave formations and a gateway to Hell. Yeah, this does resemble square one."

"I don't know what to do." Buffy admitted.

"I think right now the best plan is to deck the halls with bows of holly." Xander said. He smiled reassuringly. "You'll catch the bad guys…Sooner or later."


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Amends

Author: Writer Girl

Summary/Teaser: Amends with a few changes and a better ending

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Joss Whedon et al own everything. Dialog from Amends. I am not the first person to do this type of fic.

Pairings: BA, CX, WO

Author e-mail: Everything up to and including Amends, season 2 of Buffy.

Feedback: PLEASE?

Rating: PG13 to be safe. Same as the show, really.



At the Summers home, Buffy was putting the finishing touches on the tree while Joyce built a fire in the fireplace. Christmas music played softly on the radio.

"There." Joyce said, pleased with herself.

"Nothing like a roaring fire to keep away the blistering heat." Buffy commented sarcastically, earning herself a reproving look from her mother.

"I think it's lovely." Joyce insisted. "So, angel's on top again?" At Buffy's startled look, Joyce held up two ornaments and clarified, "Angel or star?"

"Oh." Buffy said, still slightly shaken. "uh…star. Star." The doorbell rang. Wondering who it could possibly be, Buffy went to answer it. She was surprised to find Faith standing awkwardly in the doorway.

"Hey." The dark-haired Slayer said uncertainly.

"Hi."

"Uh…looked like that whole party thing was gonna be kinda a drag." She lowered her eyes. "I didn't really have anything…you know…"

"I'm glad you came." Buffy assured her sincerely. Faith smiled, and handed Buffy two wrapped packages. "Why don't you come in from the entire lack of cold." Buffy invited the other girl, leading her into the house.

"Uh, that one is for your mom." Faith said, gesturing to one of the gifts she'd handed to Buffy. "They're pretty crappy."

"Oh, Faith, you made it." Joyce greeted her happily. She took the gifts from Buffy. "That is so thoughtful."

"They're pretty crappy." Faith repeated, embarrassed.

"You know, I'm going to go upstairs and get your gifts." Buffy said, and headed for her bedroom. When she got there, Angel was waiting behind the door.

"Angel." Buffy said, surprised to see him there.

"Huh…Buffy." Angel said.

"What is it?" Buffy asked, her concern for him growing in the face of his odd behavior. He cleared his throat.

"I gotta…I…look, I uh, I had to see you." He stuttered. He turned and looked at her bed. Confusion flashed across his face. "I don't know…you shouldn't be…" He trailed off.

"Just tell me what's going on." Buffy pleaded. His gaze focused on her neck as he struggled to ignore the First's taunting words.

"She wants you to touch her. What are you waiting for?"

"You have to stay away from me." Angel told Buffy urgently.

"You came to see me to tell me that I can't see you?" Buffy asked, bewildered. Angel panted heavily, struggling for control.

"Angel, something is doing this to you." Buffy told him. "You just have to control it, okay. I know you're confused-"

"I think you're the one who's confused." Angel interrupted. "I need to…"

"She wants you to taste her." The First whispered. "Think of the peace. You'll never have to see us again." Groaning, Angel pulled at his hair, struggling to regain control of his mind.

"Angel, how can I help you?" Buffy implored.

"Leave me alone!" Angel shouted desperately, and leapt out her window.



"Giles, we have to do something." Buffy told her Watcher urgently. "Soon. Now."

"I'm still not sure what." Giles admitted.

"Find me these priest guys." Buffy said desperately. "Find me _something _I can pummel."

"Let's not lose our heads."

"Giles, he's slipping." Buffy said. "I think we're loosing him."

"You realize, if he truly becomes a danger, you may have to kill him…again." Giles told her softly. "Can you do that?" His question was met only with silence.



"A child shall be born of man and goat and have two heads, and the first shall speak only in riddles." Buffy read aloud from one of Giles' many research books. "God, no wonder you like this stuff. It's like reading The Sun."

"Yes, ah." Giles murmered.

"Priests?" Buffy asked urgently.

"Yes, but um, just more posturing." Giles replied. He read aloud, ""…For they are the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall live, above or below them. No seed shall flower, neither in man nor…" He stopped reading. "They're rebels and they'll never be any good. Nothing specific about their haunts."

"Let me see that." Buffy requested. Giles handed her the book. "the Harbingers of death. Nothing shall live, above or below" She repeated. . She thought about the cryptic words for a moment. And, then it hit her. _Nothing shall live, above or below them. _The dead circle of trees at the Christmas tree farm. "I know where they are." She announced.



"Okay, 10 more minutes of chanting, and then you guys have to go to bed." Buffy quipped, alerting the Harbringers to her presence. She easily killed them. Only she and the First remained in the underground room. The First appeared as the late Jennifer Calendar.

"Hmm. I'm impressed." It said.

"You won't get Angel." Buffy told it defiantly.

"You think you can fight me. I'm not a demon, little girl. I'm something you can't conceive. The first evil. Beyond sin, beyond death…I am the thing the darkness fears. You will never see me, but I am everywhere. Every being, every thought, every drop of hate-"

"I get it. _You're evil. _Do we have to chat about it all day?"

"Angel will be dead by sunrise." The First said coldly. "Your Christmas…will be his wake."

"No." Buffy whispered.

"You have no idea what you're dealing with." The First said.

"Let me guess, is it…evil?"

"Dead by sunrise!" The First screamed out its final warning. With that, Buffy ran toward Crawford street.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Amends

Author: Writer Girl

Summary/Teaser: Amends with a few changes and a better ending

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing. Joss Whedon et al own everything. Dialog from Amends. I am not the first person to do this type of fic.

Pairings: BA, CX, WO

Author e-mail: Everything up to and including Amends, season 2 of Buffy.

Feedback: PLEASE?

Rating: PG13 to be safe. Same as the show, really.



When Buffy got to the mansion, Angel was standing at the top of the hill.

"I bet half the kids down there are already awake, sneaking downstairs, waiting for day." He said softly.

"Angel, you have to get inside. It's almost sunrise." Buffy told him. He did not turn to face her. "I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."

"I don't have time to explain." She told him. "You just have to trust me. That thing that was haunting you-"

"It wasn't haunting me." Angel interrupted. "It was showing me."

"Showing you?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"What I am." He explained.

"Were!" She responded immediately.

"And ever shall be." He finished for her. "I wanted to know why I was back. Now I do."

"You _don't _know." She argued. "Some big evil takes credit for bringing you back and you just accept it? You just give up?" She demanded incredulously.

"I can't do it again, Buffy." Angel said harshly. "I can't become a killer."

"You won't." Buffy told him. "You can't lose your soul unless you want to."

"I can't fight this, Buffy."

"Angel, please, you _have _to get inside." Buffy said desperately.

"It told me to kill you. You were in the dream. You know. It told me to take you and lose my soul in you and become a monster again."

"I know what it told you. What does it matter?"

"Because I wanted to!" Angel shouted. "Because I want you so badly. I want to take comfort in you and I know it'll cost me my soul and part of me doesn't care." Shocked at what Angel had just said, Buffy stayed silent. "Look, I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing, Buffy. It's the man."

"You're weak. Everybody is. Everybody fails. Maybe this evil did bring you back, but if it did, it's because it needs you. And that means that you can hurt it." Buffy told him. He didn't want to believe her. He simply wanted it to be over. "Angel, you have the power to do real good, to make amends." She raised her voice. "But if you die now, then all that you ever were was a monster." The sky began to lighten as dawn approached. "Angel, please, the sun is coming up."

"Just go!" Angel ordered.

"I won't!" She shouted. "I love you."

"What, do you think this is simple?" Angel demanded. "You think there's an easy answer? You think you can tell me you love me and it's as easy as that? You can never understand what I've done! Now go!"

"You are not staying here." Buffy said firmly. She grabbed his arm. "I won't let you!"

Angel pulled his arm away from her. "I said LEAVE!" Without thinking, Buffy punched him. Angel shoved her hard and she fell face-first to the ground. Angel was horrified as he realized what he'd just done.

"Oh god…" He murmured. He crouched down beside her, grabbed her shoulders, and turned her around so that she faced him.

"No!" Buffy screamed.

He held her firmly. "Am I a thing worth saving, huh?" He shook her. "Am I a righteous man?" He shook her again. "The world wants me gone!"

"What about me?" Buffy asked tearfully. "Angel, I love you so much-and I've tried to make you go away; I **killed **you and it didn't help…and I hate it. I hate that it's so hard…that you can hurt me so much…I know everything you've done, because you did it to me. I wish I wished you dead. But I don't. I can't." Tears ran down Buffy's face, as for the first time she released the emotions she'd kept locked inside of herself.

"Buffy, please…" Angel plead. "Just this once, let me be strong."

"Strong is fighting. It's hard and it's painful and it's every day. It's what we have to do and we can do it together, but if you're too much of a coward for that, then burn. If I can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can. But do not expect me to watch. And don't expect me to mourn for you, because..." The Slayer's tirade stopped mid-sentence. Both she and Angel looked up at the dark sky in awe. It was snowing.



Cordelia was sitting in her room unable to sleep when she saw the snow begin to fall outside her window. For a moment she just stared in amazement and disbelief, then quickly got dressed and climbed out through the window and down the trellis. She noticed immediately that it was cold out. _Of course it's cold, it's snowing. _She thought to herself, wrapping her coat tighter. She began to walk to the Xander's house, knowing he slept outside on the holidays and would not have been prepared for the sudden cold weather. When she arrived at the Harris house, Xander was, as expected, on the deck in the backyard. He was sitting hugging his knees to his chest and shivering. Cordelia rushed to his side, taking off her suede coat and draping it over his shoulders. She helped him up, wrapping her arms around him as she led him to the high school library.

Once they were at the library, Xander went to the locker room to change into his spare cloths while Cordelia used the microwave in Giles office to make the tea she'd found in the desk.

She handed Xander a mug of steaming tea.

"Thanks, Cordy." He said softly.

"I miss you, Xander." She admitted quietly. He looked at her, surprised.

"I miss you, too." He said.

"I'm still mad about the kiss." Cordelia warned him. "But I don't want to lose you."

"I am sorry, you know." Xander told her, looking down guiltily. She nodded.

"I do know." She promised. "And, eventually, after a lot more groveling on your part, I'll forgive you." She smirked, and pulled him into a deep kiss.



Giles woke up to the sight of falling snow and frosted windowpanes. He blinked the sleep out of his eyes and slowly got out of bed, making his way over to the window.



Willow and Oz were cuddling up on the sofa, watching a movie.

"Does it usually snow in southern California?" Oz asked casually.

"No, why?" Willow answered.

"Cause it's snowing." He replied simply. Willow turned to the window and saw that he was right. It was snowing. She stopped the movie they'd been watching, they put on their jackets, and headed for the high school, where they knew the others were bound to show up.



Together Buffy and Angel made their way to the library to meet the others. Angel tightened his grip on Buffy's hand as they stepped into the library.

Willow, Oz, Xander, Cordelia, and Giles were already sitting around the table talking when Buffy and Angel got there. Everyone fell silent upon seeing them. Giles stood up.

"Come, sit down." He said finally, gesturing toward the two empty chairs at the table. The couple sat down.

"Ooh, cookies!" Buffy exclaimed when she saw the holiday treats Giles had bought on his way to library. The others grinned.

Together they ate and laughed, joked and talked.

"This has got to be the best Christmas ever." Xander announced.

"Yeah. A White Christmas in Sunnydale. Who'd have thought?" Cordelia agreed. She got up, turned on a CD player, and pulled Xander up to dance with her. Buffy and Angel followed suit, along with Willow and Oz. Giles stood leaning against the counter watching the children he'd come to think of and love as his own dancing together happily, early Christmas morning, while the snow danced down from the heavens in Southern California. It truly was a perfect Christmas. And for the first time, Rupert Giles believed in miracles.


End file.
